Beware of Furniture That Comes in Boxes

We assembled four pieces of furniture, with a lot of ‘blood, sweat, tears,” and a fair amount of cursing.  (Actually, a lot of cursing.) This furniture all went into our place in Tahoe, and these projects were supposed to be ‘fun.’  At least they started out that way.

As I was finishing my last few weeks of teaching, correcting tests and essays, I often found myself sort of daydreaming for the day when I would be done with school, and would leisurely be putting something wonderful together in the garage in Tahoe, as I breathed in the pine scented air, and listened to the birdies sing.   Well….

Three pieces of furniture were ordered online through a well-known home décor website; the fourth, was a fancy, manly workbench for my husband that literally weighed 300 pounds, that we got from Costco….(some assembly required…) There ought to be a law that defines “some.”

If you’ve never ordered furniture in a box, the size of the box it comes in, defies logic.  How can a hall tree fit into such a small box?   Four chairs and a table in three boxes? 

The shock is when you open the tape and straps and see the several pages long instruction booklet and what appear to be a million screws, nuts, and washers.

First, the workbench- when it took two strapping young men and Rob to load it into the back of the car, that should have been the first clue.  Back at the house, the unload crew consisted of Rob’s 93-year-old mother, Rob and myself.  We, (Rob and I,) ended up pushing the 300 pound box out of the back of the car, as I drove the car slowly out of the garage, and hoping when it hit the floor with a thud, that nothing broke. (Nothing did.) However, working on it, per the instructions, meant we put it together ‘on its back,’ which meant we had to ‘right’ the 300 pound behemoth by flipping it over onto its ‘galvanized reinforced legs.’  I am shocked that neither of us has a hernia because somehow we managed it.

The 300 pound workbench!

Next, the hall tree- If you actually follow the step-by-step directions, it  turns out pretty well.  Except when you put one whole section together backwards, and there are more than the normal amount of mosquitoes flying around and biting your already sweaty body.  And, these directions don’t tell you how much TIME it should take you to assemble it.  Seven steps seem like a doable number.  They also don’t factor in your level of furniture assembly skills.  While the end product turned out nicely, we vow to never get tempted to do this sort of thing again.

The (%$#@&^*) Hall Tree!

Fortunately, the headboard and the four patio chairs and table were fairly straightforward and easy.  Unfortunately, we started with these, so our utter disgust and irritation at how complicated the hall tree was, made that process all the more "cuss" worthy.

So if I had any pearls of wisdom for you, it would be  to spend more, buy what you want already assembled, and be happy you didn’t spend hours  putting it together.

However,  after a shower and a couple of gin and tonics, we both have to admit, the furniture looks pretty good.

The "rustic" headboard.

Ready for cocktails on the deck?